Tips for returning home for the holidays
Returning to your childhood home can come with warm, positive memories, as well as reminders of difficult family dynamics or power struggles. Through the various chapters of life, our family members may not be privy to the growth and change we are undergoing while living our own independent lives. Here are some tips to help navigate coming home for the holidays, whether you are an adult, college student, or parent!
For Adults:
Bring creature comforts: Are there any simple comforts that can accompany you through reuniting with your family? Do you have a fidget ring, some fuzzy socks, an emotional support item, or something else that brings you comfort? Bring it with you so that you are not reliant on finding comfort at your parents house.
Take breaks: Take breaks from triggering conversations and take notice of your sensory experience (sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and physical sensations). Identify mantras that can help you self-soothe or thwart any (intentional or unintentional) microaggressions or criticisms! If you find yourself needing to set boundaries with family members, use calm and direct language.
Stay clear-minded: Avoid using alcohol or other substances that could alter your mental state and make you more prone to engaging in conflict.
For College Students:
Stay connected: Facetime, keep your Snap streaks going, and maintain connection with your college friends while being back in town with your home friends.
Be open with parents: Talk with your parents proactively about shared expectations of boundaries and limitations. During this conversation, you may want to shed some light on the new-found independence you’ve gained and ways you may like to maintain your personal routines.
Keep a pulse on your mental health: Check in with your therapist (if possible) or use a mental health support app to check in with yourself.
Be mindful and empathetic: Both you and your parents are getting used to the shift in dynamics and expectations; try to be patient with each other!
For Parents of College Students:
Set expectations: Initiate a discussion around expectations for how your young adult will be getting around while they are home, any curfew expectations, and the family’s general routine and schedule.
Embrace independence: Try and embrace your child’s growth into young adulthood and independence. Ask about their new routines and what they’d like to maintain while at home. Embody a shared sense of patience and flexibility with one another, maintaining open communication throughout. Remember to continue embracing your own new-found independence, as well!
Connect as adults: Transitioning from being the parent of a teen to being a parent of a young adult can be difficult. Discuss this transition with your partner, friends or therapist in preparation of your child’s homecoming. While they are home, work on finding ways to reconnect through this new lens of sharing adult responsibilities and expectations!
Like many things, if we allow ourselves time to effectively prepare for transitions or change, we improve the likelihood of positive outcomes. We hope the holidays are warm, fuzzy, and filled with compassion for you and yours!
If you’re thinking you’d benefit from some support to prepare for the holidays, or to navigate the aftermath, The Counseling Corner is here for you! We understand funds can be tight around the holidays, and are in-network with MANY insurances. We are also able to talk through other payment options at varying rates. You can reach out to us via email, our online form or at 804-372-3975. If you are in need of immediate help, dial the national crisis number at 988 or dial 911.
References
Family Therapy Program Team. (2023, May 18). Returning home from college: Tips for parents and students. Brown University Health. https://www.brownhealth.org/be-well/returning-home-college-tips-parents-and-students
Get schooled. (2024, Oct 29). 3 tips for coming home from college. https://getschooled.com/article/5885-home-for-the-holidays/
Hendel, H.J. (2018, Dec 20). Going home for the holidays when it’s triggering. Psychology today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotion-as-information/201812/going-home-for-the-holidays-when-its-triggering
Osten, C. (2019, May 17). Whose nest is it anyway?: Tips for parents to prepare for their college student’s return. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-right-balance/201905/whose-nest-is-it-anyway