Accepting imperfection

What is perfectionism to you? Is it the idea of being on your A-game at all times or meeting your own high expectations? Perfectionism, first and foremost, is often an unrealistic standard we set for ourselves and sometimes others. These impossible-to-attain standards are a source of never-ending exhaustion, disappointment, and diminished self-worth. 

Impacts of Perfectionism

In what areas of your life do you expect perfection? We often think of perfectionism through the lens of academic or professional success, but perfectionism can show up through our daily activities including social interactions and hobbies. This might look like obsessively replaying interactions with others and analyzing their potential perceptions of things you’ve said or done in social settings. It may even make your world smaller and prevent you from trying new things.

How does perfectionism hold you back? Have you ever wanted to try something new, only to talk yourself out of it before even taking the first step? Imagine the world of diverse and nuanced experiences you may be missing out on if you expect all experiences and your input into them to be perfect. Filtering your experiences through the need to have perfect outcomes with limited space for “mistakes” inhibits our natural drive to learn, grow, and enjoy. If our expectations of ourselves are to immediately master a new craft, we will most often be sorely disappointed and left unable to experience the joy and messiness of learning along the way. Sometimes the learning is half the fun!

Perfectionism is often an effort to impose control - typically on ourselves and how others perceive us, but sometimes this can trickle into how we expect others to act. Not only are our standards for ourselves impossibly high, but sometimes we also expect perfect outcomes and highly specific methods of obtaining these outcomes to be embodied by those around us. Unfortunately, being highly critical of others can have the exact opposite effect of what drives our inclination to perfectionism: fear of disapproval of rejection.

Now what?

Practicing grace with ourselves is the first step to approaching our own insecurities and lack of control with gentleness and warmth. When we are able to approach ourselves with curiosity and understanding, we are then able to extend this same warmth to those around us (including our children, colleagues, family, and friends). While the root of perfectionism often stems from an upbringing laden with criticism, perhaps challenging attachment patterns, and uncertainty around whether being loved is truly an unconditional experience, we have the opportunity to flip the script and re-love ourselves.

Throughout any significant effort to shift the way we perceive ourselves and others, one of the most valuable tools is transparency and open communication with those around you. Have you had an interaction where you think you may have offended or let someone down? If this is a safe and stable person, there is no harm in simply asking! Save yourself the exhaustion of picking every detail of your day apart and embrace yourself as a constantly growing and learning being. You’ll be amazed what this can do for your stress levels and ability to just “be”.

If you’re struggling with perfectionism, we can help! Give us a call or submit a form to chat more about how our team can support your journey.